The brigther side of things

In hopes of not being such a debbie downer all the time, I'm following my awesome prayer partner's lead (thanks!) and looking on the bright side of things. They aren't all IF related but, are nonetheless, the good things going on with me recently.

*My bf who is struggling with a difficult pregnancy made it to 32 weeks so far
*2 people I know who have been struggling with IF have both just recently got their bfps
*I am on spring break and getting a lot accomplished
*My dh loves me unconditionally
*Warm weather is on its way
*I have made a lot of new friends and rekindled my friendship with some old friends
*We have really great family members who help us in any way they can

Ahhhh, doesn't that feel better. It's so easy to always dwell on the hard things going on but this list surely reminds me of all the good things happening too.

Debbie Downer

I just realized that most of my posts are written when I've been feeling sad and, therefore, don't have a whole lost of positives in them. Boy, way to drag everyone down, huh?!

To be frank, this is how IF has me feeling most of the time so I hope you'll understand that this particular blog isn't going to be peaches and cream most of the time. Hopefully, one day soon that will all change. For now though, I hope you'll let me slide!

Ahhhh man, the normalness ends

First, let me start off by saying there is no news yet from Dave's SA last week. They typically take a week but we've heard nothing and it's been over a week. As I said before, I usually just assume we'll hear the same news...so one more day that I don't have to hear it is okay by me.

Last night we went out with a group of friends. You remember them, my group of friends that make me feel normal. So we're all sitting around chatting and having fun and, yes, I'm feel normal again. One girl pulls out her cell phone and shows a picture to everyone. Slowly, one by one, we all realize this picture is her pregnancy announcement. Surprisingly, it didn't hit me too hard and I'm going with the flow (still feeling semi-normal) until...ohhhh nooo...I get hit with the "are you guys going to EVER have kids" question.

That's where my normalcy ended. I just sat there as Dave rubbed my back and tears welled up in my eyes, speechless. I couldn't say anything...I didn't want to say anything. It was hard! I do like these friends a lot but they are "newer" friends and don't quite feel ready to overwhelm them with what we're going through. So I just sat there nodding my head and fighting back tears.

Just when I was starting to feel okay again. **sigh**

Dreading this week

Well, Dave had his monthly SA done on Thursday of last week. I was fine all weekend but am sick to my stomach today knowing that the call from the drs. will come sometime this week. I'm dreading the phone call, even though I've grown accustom to the same old news.

As much as I tell myself (and others) that I always prepare myself for the worst, way deep down I'm secretly wishing (and daydreaming) that one day, maybe just maybe, they'll call with good news.

Lots of my other TTTC "friends" have been getting good news and bfps. I just hope I can join that club soon.

bad blogger

I'm a terrible blogger. Sometimes I have nothing to say, sometimes what I want to say just isn't coming out right, and sometimes I'm afraid to say what I want because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (even though I haven't really shared it with anyone yet...haha).

Really, there's nothing new here. Dave will be heading in for his next SA on the 13th of the month. He has a follow up appt. with the dr. sometime this month too. I refuse to get my hopes for anything to come out of these 2 appts. but, of course, hope for the best.

I think both of us have been avoiding these 2 appts. because we can't take much more disappointment. The way we feel for days afterwards is never fun. It takes me a LONG time to come out of the funk when we hear bad news--usually just in time to get more bad news. Ugh, I just don't know how much longer I can do this.

Anyways, I'm going to try to be better at this...it feels good to "let it all out" even if I don't really have anything to say.